I thought I'd record here where my youngest daughter is up to with her development. That way I don't upset or offend anyone, especially as I know how hard it can be to read about what other children are doing if yours isn't. Eve isn't a genuis child. There are things others can do that she can't, and there are things she does that others can't. This is purely self indulgent really. I want to shout from the rooftops what my baby has achieved, but feel a bit bad for doing so, as I don't want it misconstrued. So here is a safe place to do it :) Tomorrow she will be two and a half.
Eve is my ray of sunshine. All my children are. They light up my life. I miss my older two when they're with their dad (2-3 nights a week) and I love my time with my youngest, Eve, who is with me all the time apart from two afternoons when she now goes to playgroup - she started on Friday 11th March.
She knows her colours, red green blue yellow orange purple pink, plus black and white. She is potty trained during the day - uses toilet or potty depending on her mood, and has done since around Christmas. I put her to bed last night without a nappy on and she was dry this morning. Her nappies over the past few mornings have been dry so it seemed a natural progression, but we'll see! She has a wonderful vocabulary, speaks clearly, though still says 'gogoch' instead of chocolate! She can count to ten, though sometimes misses number three and six out. She has started drawing faces - I have her best one (which actually looks like a face) on my phone. I will upload and add!
She loves being out side (which is where she is at the moment, digging in our vegetable patch and eating chives - probably shouldn't have shown her they were edible...
I love the conversations we have, she makes me smile and giggle with some of the things she comes out with. Above all, she's so good natured and chilled. Yes, we do have the odd tantrum, and some days she drives me potty with her constant demanding - until I give in - but most of the time she's so pleasant, and so happy. Each of my three children have been different and special in their own ways. I love them all with every bit of me.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Monday, 7 February 2011
So tonight, I decided to try and trace an old friend. I lost touch with Helena a long time ago. I moved a couple of times having split with my then partner (who she knew me with) and she has moved too, as her husband is in the army.
I remembered a mutual friend, and it's taken me ages - months - to remember his surname, but finally I did, and tonight I searched for him on Facebook. I found him! I've sent him an email rather than a friend request in case it's not him. But I know it is. We used to be really good mates, proper drinking buddies. Brings back so many memories!
His brother married a friend of mine. She wasn't a close friend, but everybody knew everybody else in that village. She died of skin cancer about 3 years ago. She was only young, 31 I think. She left two little boys behind. She still has a facebook profile, and a beautiful black and white picture of herself up. I still think about her sometimes.
Before I found Helena, I found Rob, my first love. That was strange. Especially to see pictures of him with his child and a wedding ring on his finger. I am glad he looks so happy. I fell out of love with him and broke his heart. I handled it completely wrongly at the time. I can see that now.
Anyway, I found Helena. She lives in Belize now - one of the few destinations on my 'places to visit before I die' list. She looks like a typical army WAG...tanned, mini dress, peroxide hair...she was always a bit crazy and there was always a little bit of me that was scared of what she might do sometimes....maybe she's mellowed with age though? We'll see I guess. Hoping I get a reply, and we can start the reminiscing!! And maybe I can even book myself a ticket to Belize :)
I remembered a mutual friend, and it's taken me ages - months - to remember his surname, but finally I did, and tonight I searched for him on Facebook. I found him! I've sent him an email rather than a friend request in case it's not him. But I know it is. We used to be really good mates, proper drinking buddies. Brings back so many memories!
His brother married a friend of mine. She wasn't a close friend, but everybody knew everybody else in that village. She died of skin cancer about 3 years ago. She was only young, 31 I think. She left two little boys behind. She still has a facebook profile, and a beautiful black and white picture of herself up. I still think about her sometimes.
Before I found Helena, I found Rob, my first love. That was strange. Especially to see pictures of him with his child and a wedding ring on his finger. I am glad he looks so happy. I fell out of love with him and broke his heart. I handled it completely wrongly at the time. I can see that now.
Anyway, I found Helena. She lives in Belize now - one of the few destinations on my 'places to visit before I die' list. She looks like a typical army WAG...tanned, mini dress, peroxide hair...she was always a bit crazy and there was always a little bit of me that was scared of what she might do sometimes....maybe she's mellowed with age though? We'll see I guess. Hoping I get a reply, and we can start the reminiscing!! And maybe I can even book myself a ticket to Belize :)
Sunday, 12 September 2010
How strange, to read back to my last and only blog entry, now my life has changed so much. If only I knew then what I do now...not that I would have believed myself (if I could have gone back and warned me).
So here I am. Practically a single mum of three. My partner has left us after a rather turbulent two years. He left the army and has struggled ever since. And so have we.
We are not officially over, but I don't really see how or if we can recover. Maybe we will. He is in the bosom of his family, while I fight anxiety and stress to look after my three children. The hospital appointments, dentists, haircuts, feeding, clothing, bedtimes, cuddles are all down to just me now. Luckily I have some very wonderful friends. Friends who send me hugs in the form of Chocolate Tiffin, cards, texts, emails, hugs. They all mean so much to me. I don't think I've ever felt so blessed. I am rich with friends!
Mornings are worse. I wake, and the knot in my stomach tightens...and so begins the day. But I am also positive. Positive about MY future. I have been accepted on my next Open University course, so I'm on my way to starting a career working with children and young adults...in what ever form that will take. Because it's with the OU, I still have another few years study yet before I graduate :)
But I will get there. One day. Just you watch me!
So here I am. Practically a single mum of three. My partner has left us after a rather turbulent two years. He left the army and has struggled ever since. And so have we.
We are not officially over, but I don't really see how or if we can recover. Maybe we will. He is in the bosom of his family, while I fight anxiety and stress to look after my three children. The hospital appointments, dentists, haircuts, feeding, clothing, bedtimes, cuddles are all down to just me now. Luckily I have some very wonderful friends. Friends who send me hugs in the form of Chocolate Tiffin, cards, texts, emails, hugs. They all mean so much to me. I don't think I've ever felt so blessed. I am rich with friends!
Mornings are worse. I wake, and the knot in my stomach tightens...and so begins the day. But I am also positive. Positive about MY future. I have been accepted on my next Open University course, so I'm on my way to starting a career working with children and young adults...in what ever form that will take. Because it's with the OU, I still have another few years study yet before I graduate :)
But I will get there. One day. Just you watch me!
Friday, 19 March 2010
Birth Story #3
I have three children. I have decided to do their birth stories in reverse, a) because I already had Eve's typed up, and b) because her's is the one I remember best. Purely because its the most recent. I will add the birth stories of my other two children in due course.
Written on 13th October 2008:
On Monday 22nd September, the midwife came as usual to do a routine check and a sweep as Eve was now 9 days overdue. I’d had a sweep at the weekend with no success and one the weekend before that, so this was number 3 – fingers crossed!!
As she was feeling my tummy, I had a braxton hicks and my tummy went the strangest shape. She said she thought the baby had moved from head down to transverse, which was risky and I needed to go into hospital as soon as I was ready. So Andy and I packed bags and called parents to let them know what was happening – my main concern being for my other two children.
After arriving and being prodded and poked, the conclusion was that baby was head down and deeply engaged, but the consultant wanted to play it safe, so I was to be induced the following day.
I felt a mixture of relief, nervousness, apprehension and disappointment. I had been so focused on a homebirth and had done so much research and preparation, but had started to have major doubts about it for the couple of weeks leading up to Eve’s due date. Now it felt as though the decision had been taken out of my hands so I was kind of relieved – it obviously wasn’t meant to be this time.
I spent that night not being able to sleep, composing my birth story in my head, wondering what lay ahead for me. To my right was a girl who snored all night, and to my left was a girl who ate all night. Neither disturbed me - I wouldn’t have slept anyway.
A midwife came and gave me a ‘good sweep’ (which bloody hurt!) around midnight and this started off niggles. She told me they’d take me down to labour ward at 5am to break my waters.
Before I knew it 5am was here and I was told to pack up to be moved to the labour ward. I called Andy and had some breakfast. It was really happening. I was so nervous and started getting myself really wound up.
Then came the negotiations…….They wanted to break my waters then start me on a drip to bring on my contractions. According to the midwife who’d done the sweep the night before, I was already 2cms dilated so I managed to convince the midwife whose care I was now under to let me try and start my contractions off naturally by walking etc once they’d broken my waters. This was agreed and after more prodding and poking they broke my waters and sent me toddling off down the corridors to see if I could get things moving. And moving they did. Contractions were coming every 2 minutes and I had to concentrate on breathing to get through them.
After nearly two hours of pacing the corridors I was really tired having had no sleep the night before. I also felt strange...as if I had a temperature. I gave in and agreed to have the drip set up. I nearly keeled over as one midwife tried to insert the cannula into my left hand, then I threw up. Not even in the throes of labour and already losing my dignity. The one using me as a human pin cushion disappeared and someone else came and managed to set it up in my right hand.
At this point it was discovered I did have a temperature, so along with the hormones to start off my contractions I was given IV antibiotics for the ‘mystery’ temperature.
The contractions started. At first, they were manageable, I was able to breathe through them, practicing the hypnobirthing techniques I’d learned.
But Eve was not happy, her baseline heart rate was high indicating she was stressed. The consultant kept coming in and out, and they talked about taking blood from her head, putting a clip to monitor her better, that would be attached to her head (instead of me being strapped to the monitoring machine the whole time), and finally an emergency c-section. All of which I was desperate to avoid. At this point, after trying to be strong and manage the pain by breathing, I now needed gas and air, which made me feel awful and totally out of it. I requested pethidine and was told that yes I could have some.
The midwife wanted Eve’s heart rate to settle before giving me any further pain relief so suggested I lay on my left side. This seemed to work and she settled back down and seemed happier.
The pain by now was becoming unbearable - toe curling - and I was still on the gas and air which seemed to be doing nothing at all. Once again I requested the pethidine.
The midwife was still reluctant though and checked me only to discover I had dilated from 2cms to 6cms in only 10mins and because of this, it was too late for me to have any...this was not the news I wanted to hear. I still had a way to go, and was already not coping with the pain. Then I needed to push. She encouraged me to do so, in the hopes that it would cause me to dilate the rest of the way.
Then came the hardest 40mins ever. With every contraction my whole body tensed and I was in a lot of pain as I gripped the sides of the bed. I pushed, I shouted, I swore, I mooed like a cow! After each contraction was over, I begged for them to get her out, give me pethidine, just do something!
Finally, after what seemed like hours (but was really only 40 mins!) I felt ‘the burn’ and realised she was crowning and finally my baby girl was nearly here. A couple more of the hardest pushes ever and Eve was born and placed straight on to me. I will never forget that feeling. Sheer love, elation, relief. She was sticky with vernix and warm. I cried. It was only then that I was glad I hadn’t had any pain relief because I was completely ‘with it’ as she was born and bonded straight away. This didn’t happen with my two previous children.
As she latched on and her daddy and I had our first cuddles, I was apparently not willing to give up the placenta. I had the syntometrine injection and nothing happened. After 20 mins something was injected into the cord but still I held on to it. Finally as a last resort before I was wheeled to theatre, a big black male doctor came and ‘pummeled’ my stomach until I finally let go and the placenta was delivered along with a big gush of blood. (The 'pummelling' really hurt and I very nearly punched the poor man!)
So there you go, Eve Jessica Anne was born on Tuesday 23rd September at 1.05pm weighing 8lbs 14oz, 56cms long, after a 2hr 10minute very intense labour.
I have to admit, it was the most painful out of all three births which I am guessing is because I was induced and didn’t labour more gradually and naturally. And it has taken my body longer to recover this time round (which may be an age thing as well)
3 weeks on and I am still breastfeeding (something I was unsuccessful in doing with my other two children) and Eve is gaining weight – today she weighed 9lbs11. She’s always smiling - purely wind :-) and seems a very contented little baby xx
Written on 13th October 2008:
On Monday 22nd September, the midwife came as usual to do a routine check and a sweep as Eve was now 9 days overdue. I’d had a sweep at the weekend with no success and one the weekend before that, so this was number 3 – fingers crossed!!
As she was feeling my tummy, I had a braxton hicks and my tummy went the strangest shape. She said she thought the baby had moved from head down to transverse, which was risky and I needed to go into hospital as soon as I was ready. So Andy and I packed bags and called parents to let them know what was happening – my main concern being for my other two children.
After arriving and being prodded and poked, the conclusion was that baby was head down and deeply engaged, but the consultant wanted to play it safe, so I was to be induced the following day.
I felt a mixture of relief, nervousness, apprehension and disappointment. I had been so focused on a homebirth and had done so much research and preparation, but had started to have major doubts about it for the couple of weeks leading up to Eve’s due date. Now it felt as though the decision had been taken out of my hands so I was kind of relieved – it obviously wasn’t meant to be this time.
I spent that night not being able to sleep, composing my birth story in my head, wondering what lay ahead for me. To my right was a girl who snored all night, and to my left was a girl who ate all night. Neither disturbed me - I wouldn’t have slept anyway.
A midwife came and gave me a ‘good sweep’ (which bloody hurt!) around midnight and this started off niggles. She told me they’d take me down to labour ward at 5am to break my waters.
Before I knew it 5am was here and I was told to pack up to be moved to the labour ward. I called Andy and had some breakfast. It was really happening. I was so nervous and started getting myself really wound up.
Then came the negotiations…….They wanted to break my waters then start me on a drip to bring on my contractions. According to the midwife who’d done the sweep the night before, I was already 2cms dilated so I managed to convince the midwife whose care I was now under to let me try and start my contractions off naturally by walking etc once they’d broken my waters. This was agreed and after more prodding and poking they broke my waters and sent me toddling off down the corridors to see if I could get things moving. And moving they did. Contractions were coming every 2 minutes and I had to concentrate on breathing to get through them.
After nearly two hours of pacing the corridors I was really tired having had no sleep the night before. I also felt strange...as if I had a temperature. I gave in and agreed to have the drip set up. I nearly keeled over as one midwife tried to insert the cannula into my left hand, then I threw up. Not even in the throes of labour and already losing my dignity. The one using me as a human pin cushion disappeared and someone else came and managed to set it up in my right hand.
At this point it was discovered I did have a temperature, so along with the hormones to start off my contractions I was given IV antibiotics for the ‘mystery’ temperature.
The contractions started. At first, they were manageable, I was able to breathe through them, practicing the hypnobirthing techniques I’d learned.
But Eve was not happy, her baseline heart rate was high indicating she was stressed. The consultant kept coming in and out, and they talked about taking blood from her head, putting a clip to monitor her better, that would be attached to her head (instead of me being strapped to the monitoring machine the whole time), and finally an emergency c-section. All of which I was desperate to avoid. At this point, after trying to be strong and manage the pain by breathing, I now needed gas and air, which made me feel awful and totally out of it. I requested pethidine and was told that yes I could have some.
The midwife wanted Eve’s heart rate to settle before giving me any further pain relief so suggested I lay on my left side. This seemed to work and she settled back down and seemed happier.
The pain by now was becoming unbearable - toe curling - and I was still on the gas and air which seemed to be doing nothing at all. Once again I requested the pethidine.
The midwife was still reluctant though and checked me only to discover I had dilated from 2cms to 6cms in only 10mins and because of this, it was too late for me to have any...this was not the news I wanted to hear. I still had a way to go, and was already not coping with the pain. Then I needed to push. She encouraged me to do so, in the hopes that it would cause me to dilate the rest of the way.
Then came the hardest 40mins ever. With every contraction my whole body tensed and I was in a lot of pain as I gripped the sides of the bed. I pushed, I shouted, I swore, I mooed like a cow! After each contraction was over, I begged for them to get her out, give me pethidine, just do something!
Finally, after what seemed like hours (but was really only 40 mins!) I felt ‘the burn’ and realised she was crowning and finally my baby girl was nearly here. A couple more of the hardest pushes ever and Eve was born and placed straight on to me. I will never forget that feeling. Sheer love, elation, relief. She was sticky with vernix and warm. I cried. It was only then that I was glad I hadn’t had any pain relief because I was completely ‘with it’ as she was born and bonded straight away. This didn’t happen with my two previous children.
As she latched on and her daddy and I had our first cuddles, I was apparently not willing to give up the placenta. I had the syntometrine injection and nothing happened. After 20 mins something was injected into the cord but still I held on to it. Finally as a last resort before I was wheeled to theatre, a big black male doctor came and ‘pummeled’ my stomach until I finally let go and the placenta was delivered along with a big gush of blood. (The 'pummelling' really hurt and I very nearly punched the poor man!)
So there you go, Eve Jessica Anne was born on Tuesday 23rd September at 1.05pm weighing 8lbs 14oz, 56cms long, after a 2hr 10minute very intense labour.
I have to admit, it was the most painful out of all three births which I am guessing is because I was induced and didn’t labour more gradually and naturally. And it has taken my body longer to recover this time round (which may be an age thing as well)
3 weeks on and I am still breastfeeding (something I was unsuccessful in doing with my other two children) and Eve is gaining weight – today she weighed 9lbs11. She’s always smiling - purely wind :-) and seems a very contented little baby xx
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